Saturday, 6th November 2021

I just want to say sorry to anyone I've ever hurt or upset. I know they most likely won't ever read this but there's the need to share it somewhere. I'm a person with many faults and I feel the weight of them every day, of every word I've ever said, every misunderstanding, every impulsive move I've ever made and their consquences. I've never seen myself as a malicious person and I don't wish any harm to anyone but the simple act of existing seems to create situations where I wished I had acted differently, to have known the things I know now, and to know the mistakes I will make in the future and to avoid them.
Call it mental illness, call it ignorance or lack of sense, call it whatever you feel it to be. I have no right to expect anything from anyone, any understanding or forgiveness. How people will see things and how I will see things will always have moments of disconnect. But that doesn't mean I don't feel the guilt and shame every day of wishing those people understood where I was coming from, and it doesn't change the fact that I wish I could express myself better and in more positive ways so they wouldn't feel those things in the first place.

I just want everyone to know that I'm sorry, and that if I could have never hurt anyone I would be so pleased, but I have, and I take full responsibility for it. There aren't excuses in this world really, but I always wish that I could do better