Friday, 28th March 2014
When Meatloaf stated that he would do anything for love, but not that, we never really find out what that was.
Tonight I've been wondering if it was sacrifice himself, that he would drive for hours through bad weather, that he would buy expensive things or keep the promises made earlier that week, but all of that only if it was in an exchange situation. Ill give you this if you give me that.
Tonight I've been thinking I don't really know anything, that I will most likely never know the way others feel and how much my mind twists things negatively, or how insightful and right it might be.
Tonight Ive thought that the only thing I can really do is look at how I feel and realise that its irrelevant whether or not its reciprocated or whether its foolish and naive and all those things we are taught which only make us more full of pride which drags us down to the depths of the ocean which drowns us in confusion and self caused pain.
I have to let pride go, I have to let ego go, I have to give all sense of self respect an opportunity to crash and burn in a naive wish. Because really I don't have a choice, any appearance of choice is just an illusion.
A fear of appearing stupid.
But I am stupid
Anger and jealousy is just pride and fear battling the simple fact that I am vulnerable and scared.
So I will look this fear in the eye and willingly allow it to sacrifice me if wants to.
I am not afraid
Sacrifice to love
Surrender and fall
Let yourself love as stupidly as your heart wants to
And when I did this my heart felt lighter and began to smile again
Friday 28 March 2014
Wednesday 26 March 2014
Monday 17 March 2014
Monday, 17th March 2014
In the next 10 seconds
a girl's lace comes untied as she's riding her bicycle
a coin is thrown into a homeless persons hat
he inserts a key into a locked door
a lawn mower is left running
a young girl tries on her mothers coat for the first time
his eyes close as he falls asleep at the wheel
a firework explodes at a family bonfire
they bump into each other but neither look up
a fridge starts buzzing in an empty kitchen
he takes a photo of her as she looks away
a boy raises his hand in class to go to the bathroom
water hits the rocks on a busy beach
a sofa bed is pulled out
In the next 10 seconds
a girl's lace comes untied as she's riding her bicycle
a coin is thrown into a homeless persons hat
he inserts a key into a locked door
a lawn mower is left running
a young girl tries on her mothers coat for the first time
his eyes close as he falls asleep at the wheel
a firework explodes at a family bonfire
they bump into each other but neither look up
a fridge starts buzzing in an empty kitchen
he takes a photo of her as she looks away
a boy raises his hand in class to go to the bathroom
water hits the rocks on a busy beach
a sofa bed is pulled out
Friday 7 March 2014
Friday, 7th March 2014
"I fell through the floor and it shattered like loose bricks, I started reciting poetry and felt as though I had lived a life as a poet; I felt the guillotene on the back of my neck and Sylvia Plath's mind as she placed it in the oven; I experienced the bullet going through Kurt Cobain's brain as he pulled the trigger; my housemate was calling his mafia friend and when he arrived they started hacking at my body with a machete as I lay on the floor consciously being chopped apart bit by bit; the paramedics came and I was waving my hands as if conducting music and life"
"ah man, I just listen to Deerhoof"
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22nd June 2012
Alien-headed beauty. Male and female form. I could feel the earth moving and flying through space at such high speeds. spinning and revolving, getting pulled by different plantes and galaxies, constantly in motion. our eyes decieve us, we are not stationary beings, but moving at incredible speeds through space. it is by our senses, our touch, our sight that gives these things the look of staticity, of being unmoving, but in reality we are moving at such high speeds that we don’t even know it. this is the formation of the perfect balance or fibonacci idea of expansion. if it were chaos and violent to the extreme we would be torn apart at every moment, but as it is the motion of the entire universe moving at the same rate with itself and expanding ever larger is like a dance of extreme beauty. if it so delicate that you cannot even notice the pulls and pushes anymore. The galaxies and planets are in such a beautiful synchronicity that your eye is completely unaware of the constant movements. when you feel the earth move, and are given that awareness of travelling through space, images bend as the whole of space around you is time and space bending and growing, constantly being shrunk and expanded, fitting through small holes and filling up large vacuums, constantly. you see the actual fabric of perception bend in on itself. mirror dances.
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I saw her pass my door, she said hello in her broken german accent. I fell back on my bed as being in love hit me.
She was one from a past life, we still never found out how but she fell in love with me when I played 'Redemption Song' by Bob Marley.
I don't feel that the story will ever go anywhere else but for a while she was my wife, I knocked on her door and she had our baby in a buggy.
It was a different time, a different universe, but I still knew her door.
"I fell through the floor and it shattered like loose bricks, I started reciting poetry and felt as though I had lived a life as a poet; I felt the guillotene on the back of my neck and Sylvia Plath's mind as she placed it in the oven; I experienced the bullet going through Kurt Cobain's brain as he pulled the trigger; my housemate was calling his mafia friend and when he arrived they started hacking at my body with a machete as I lay on the floor consciously being chopped apart bit by bit; the paramedics came and I was waving my hands as if conducting music and life"
"ah man, I just listen to Deerhoof"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
22nd June 2012
Alien-headed beauty. Male and female form. I could feel the earth moving and flying through space at such high speeds. spinning and revolving, getting pulled by different plantes and galaxies, constantly in motion. our eyes decieve us, we are not stationary beings, but moving at incredible speeds through space. it is by our senses, our touch, our sight that gives these things the look of staticity, of being unmoving, but in reality we are moving at such high speeds that we don’t even know it. this is the formation of the perfect balance or fibonacci idea of expansion. if it were chaos and violent to the extreme we would be torn apart at every moment, but as it is the motion of the entire universe moving at the same rate with itself and expanding ever larger is like a dance of extreme beauty. if it so delicate that you cannot even notice the pulls and pushes anymore. The galaxies and planets are in such a beautiful synchronicity that your eye is completely unaware of the constant movements. when you feel the earth move, and are given that awareness of travelling through space, images bend as the whole of space around you is time and space bending and growing, constantly being shrunk and expanded, fitting through small holes and filling up large vacuums, constantly. you see the actual fabric of perception bend in on itself. mirror dances.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I saw her pass my door, she said hello in her broken german accent. I fell back on my bed as being in love hit me.
She was one from a past life, we still never found out how but she fell in love with me when I played 'Redemption Song' by Bob Marley.
I don't feel that the story will ever go anywhere else but for a while she was my wife, I knocked on her door and she had our baby in a buggy.
It was a different time, a different universe, but I still knew her door.
Monday 3 March 2014
Monday, 3rd March 2014
Taken from words put through a cut up machine and then filtered out
Knocking the tree alive behind this soft circulation
Ruin that blade,the regret, that deathbed
Powder blue hands broken
Eyes spit roaring your dawn
Underneath the swimming river
Melting heaven goodbye, from nothing you made this
Everyone you know
Broken minute tornados kissing light
Pencilling the heart into the wind
Farewell drowned friends, everyone burns
Our folding hands keep your warm heaven from falling
Taken from words put through a cut up machine and then filtered out
Knocking the tree alive behind this soft circulation
The mouth branch shapes secrets harder and flickers against eyes
Bombed waves are heaven's scatter
Kiss this edging, I'm her coat now
In the empty tense I march small fingers between steps of fragility
Wailing white, finding bones, teeth, numerals and knees
The frail thinking escaped a void that cannot close
Some skin from his gold leaves chatter a flying kiss
And when you're shaking fingernails your elbows are unsure
Watching shadows in trapped unhappy dancing
----------------------------------------------------------------Ruin that blade,the regret, that deathbed
Powder blue hands broken
Eyes spit roaring your dawn
Underneath the swimming river
Melting heaven goodbye, from nothing you made this
Everyone you know
Broken minute tornados kissing light
Pencilling the heart into the wind
Farewell drowned friends, everyone burns
Our folding hands keep your warm heaven from falling
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