Thursday, 25th December 2014

Typeset programming
All within a code
A language that most dont know
And will never get to see
This alternate world
A mystery
Where formulas are attempting
To reach the code of god
The Fibonacci sequence
The spinning and the moving
To be creating most efficiently
The maximum it can hold
The one hand or the other
Poles apart they need each other
But are denied the chance to get together
Because one exists to push the other
To reject and attract
To repel and to be attracted
(And then possibly retracted)
Always chasing each other
All the one thing's and their other
Playing 'it' when it's played forever
An action and reaction

And not taking part is still an action
One day someone will tap you in
And you'll have to play eventually
Because you cant always avoid the game
A rejection breeds regret
An acceptance, an adventure
So pack your rucksack with books and food
You're not out of school yet

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Glimpses always of possibilities
To see things how they could be
Could always have been
Could be right now
But you see through filters
Often tainted and tinted blue
Shading you from a painful light
But to life and contrasts also

Can you change your sight?
Yes if you allow it to
If you do not close off
To be brave enough to let it all fill you
To not shed skins or cut out a root
To be a being expressing its being
A changing portrait with every stroke remaining

How brave that is to be
How strong it is, but unknowingly
To the living life before me
What a feat of absorption
Of cataclysm and transformation
To become adept at flowing with change
At happily rearranging to each new arrangement
To be human
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Not to edit expression
Not to hide parts away
Not to be ashamed
Not to be afraid
Not to convince yourself youre strong when you keep yourself protected
Not to trick yourself or lie
Not to tell yourself you're alright
When actually you live in fear of being truly rejected
Not to say you loved when youve never truly loved
Because love is vulnerable and delicate and fragile
And can crush you with no trouble at all
But you have padded yourself with layers on layers
And when given the choice you take the safest option
Restraint and restriction of so many movements
That could change you and give you back the life
That somehow vanished at some vague point in the past
My god, could this be possible?
To actually live?
To become a real person?
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The future shakes sleeplessly awake
And in the silent room statued actors stand waiting
Carving their noses from the stones

And when despair stampedes into whirlpool shadows hungry for fear
They stand unmoving
Transfixed
Eyes fixed
Seeing time in the swirls of plugholes

Thursday, 4th December 2014

Watching Begin Again and stopping to pause
Before the end comes I needed to write something
Anything to remind me of this time
Of dreams long made hopeless
To breathe a life back into something
To try to remember that thing
The thing I used to have but detached myself from to survive
But a quest for survival is only as important as survival alone
It doesn't have dreams or hopes
Only memories of those things
So death comes
Another death to bring forth a life through its remnants
I need to kill it
To kill the disappointment of past failure
To dream again
To dare step over the edge and fall
To cartwheel and flip and somersault
To enjoy what it is I have

And I hope I have enough time to change before I hit the ground