Wednesday, 31st August 2016

Somehow people feel their power growing from saying things to other people, it may be a small thing, or maybe a large thing, but it's usually about power.
'I'm going to put you in your place'
Well I reject your place my friend.
It happens so often that many don't even notice. I notice when it happens to them and make notes, and I notice when it happens to me and I make notes.
I am pretty sure I have never had the power to put somebody in their place and yet I still feel that many feel they have the right to put me in mine.
I have to tell them, or myself silently, that they are wrong.
Tonight I did a good thing that I feel proud about.

One person says 'Everybody that is in touch with themselves knows they are bisexual'
I disagree strongly, and yet from their reaction I am meant to be seen as old fashioned or repressing homosexual feelings.
How just about that's not a truth...
I am not one to reject testing boundaries, I've kissed a couple of men (though to be honest, not in a serious way), and have often thought it would be better if I were gay as my image and figure suit that better
But alas I genuinely feel I am not attracted to men.

How am I meant to convince someone that I do not feel this way.

It's a catch 22 that I cant win because I am made powerless by whatever I say.

I had this friend who accused me of stealing her drugs once, and no matter how much I tried to tell her I didn't (because I don't really lie), the more she distrusted me (or maybe just wanted to distrust me)
Why would I lie about something I ask permission for every time? If I would ask you for permission to take them why would I lie to you?

And yet it is the same
You cannot convince somebody of their own belief of truth.
That is what they think, maybe what they have seen, and therefore 'everybody lies' and so what do words mean anyway.

Well I have to say all my words did mean something, and those eternal flames never die out