Friday, 28th March 2014

When Meatloaf stated that he would do anything for love, but not that, we never really find out what that was.
Tonight I've been wondering if it was sacrifice himself, that he would drive for hours through bad weather, that he would buy expensive things or keep the promises made earlier that week, but all of that only if it was in an exchange situation. Ill give you this if you give me that.
Tonight I've been thinking I don't really know anything, that I will most likely never know the way others feel and how much my mind twists things negatively, or how insightful and right it might be.
Tonight Ive thought that the only thing I can really do is look at how I feel and realise that its irrelevant whether or not its reciprocated or whether its foolish and naive and all those things we are taught which only make us more full of pride which drags us down to the depths of the ocean which drowns us in confusion and self caused pain.
I have to let pride go, I have to let ego go, I have to give all sense of self respect an opportunity to crash and burn in a naive wish. Because really I don't have a choice, any appearance of choice is just an illusion.
A fear of appearing stupid.
But I am stupid
Anger and jealousy is just pride and fear battling the simple fact that I am vulnerable and scared.
So I will look this fear in the eye and willingly allow it to sacrifice me if wants to.
I am not afraid
Sacrifice to love
Surrender and fall
Let yourself love as stupidly as your heart wants to

And when I did this my heart felt lighter and began to smile again