Sunday, 11 November 2012

I had an unexpected encounter with mind expansion again the other night when I smoked the tiniest bit of marijuana on my own. Amazingly I've never actually smoked it on my own before so never gave it a proper chance to do it's own personal work on me. All I ever remembered were the occasional laughing fits, the tiredness, the paranoia, and generally not feeling to good, but after the experiences with Heavenly Blue Morning Glory seeds a few months ago I am now well aware of just how spiritual and intense a drug experience can be on your own if you're setting yourself a specific goal.
So this time I was quite relaxed, I had a whole day off work and had just been gifted a little marijuana from a friend, I had nothing pressing or urgent that needed doing so I thought I'd just try it out and lie on my bed. At first it was just the general sleepiness, I started to doze off, then suddenly I was smacked in the head with this overwhelming feeling of people calling to me and pulling my soul up from my body. I thought I'd try a little experimenting with astral projection or combining dreamstate with consciousness. It all gets a bit blurry as (just like back in July with the HBMG seeds) I was being transported through space and communicating with the universe/god/me. All reality was once again stripped away, instead of seeing walls in my room I was taken back to July's image of being Ken Kesey in a mental ward, instead of seeing a hook on shelf I was taken back to the door in Berlin. I called out names, I revisted faces, I saw (better to say 'felt') the connections between planets and people once more. How planets feel the same as we do about love, how they spend so long waiting for that moment when they get to see their true love again (the orbiting on axis), how 'as above, so below' is true that on every level of creation the same rules play themselves out, that everything we see around us right now is a direct link to everything larger and smaller than us, that the same relationships play their parts no matter where we are in the universe.
I died I again like I did in July and felt millions of years pass, I was being asked to go back but I really didn't want to. Why choose once more to forget all the knowledge that we have stored within us? The truth that we know somewhere deep down that has been forgotten by choice. We chose to forget all we knew in an attempt to be able to recognise the beauty and magic that we have stored within us and which is all powerful and limitless. But the game has gone on too long, we have not only forgotten but can now not even believe that we could be capable of such power. Yet we are.
So after these millions of years passed and I lived many different lives all once again going through the motions of unawareness I was suddenly brought to the choice again to recreate my universe. I would wake up in the same room I died in, I would most likely go to work the next day, I would have to have conversations that would no longer make sense. Each day we must get up and go to work. Each day we recreate our world and each moment we have a choice between fear and love.
I actually made a promise that I wouldn't be able to tell anyone about what I experienced but I disagree now as it was based upon the fear of being regarded as losing my mind. I don't think I am losing my mind, I simply feel like I'm beginning to remember where I put it down.
Nothing is clear yet and this is only the beginning of the path which could end tomorrow. Maybe this is as far as I will go, but maybe not. I feel more hope and love than I have done for a good many years, and I am aiming to keep hold of it. In fact I will fight for it. Everyone has to start working on their own highest goal whatever that may be. Your highest hope and most outlandish desire. I put it to you: what if all of this were a lie and the thing that you most want to believe in was true with unrestricted potential? If it were given to you right now would you be able to believe it? Because doubt will destroy that hope. Maybe we've all had it before and lost it due to that doubt.
I may still have doubts and restrictions placed on me by this world that we have all helped create, but I am going within, I am going on an adventure to find the purest best part of myself and attempting to bring it up to the surface. Who knows where we go from here...

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Thursday, 8 November 2012

Exciting talks with David Goo tonight about future projects. A new EP could be on the way soon and by the looks of it it'll be the most intensive recording session I've ever been involved in, plenty of studio time and lots of musicians. Might even have a little Bikini Smith reunion. 7" single perhaps?

Think I may have an artist by the name of Amber for my up coming cassette only releases too (buy the cassette which will have unique artwork to pin to your wall with free download code included). I'm not sure which should come first: the songs, or the artwork. Hmmm.