Wednesday. 28th December 2016

Would you rather live in the centre of the fizz of life or in the slowly dissolving outer life where you feel the breaking apart of yourself but don't quite feel the buzzing of life itself.
Even though I've always wanted to be inside it I've actually been feeling rather outside the centre for a while, and I ask myself why, and how I could get back there but I can really only compare it to walking into fire and that it seems to be a basic reaction to reacting to that intensity.
Recently I've found it hard to find lightness in any area of existence really (forget objectivity and how I should be grateful for living in my privileged position, which I understand but ultimately reject due to everybody's subjective reality and that I'm not arrogant enough to believe that anyone less fortunate than me is less happier and that if I simply compare myself to one less fortunate it would make me happier), there's far too much darkness around, not many to believe in or trust, no point in creating or sharing those creations because everyone is now an artist whether it's a social artist or one of the many dying arts, no satisfactory answers to the questions you ask.

I feel like this life is kindof done now, I'm not sure there's much more positivity left in me having being drained of it throughout life itself. And when I look around I see most people are still using the old idea of dragging energy from one person to another, a give and take situation, and I'm bored of that ideology. There needs to be a new way of people energising themselves and being aware of their energy, how they use it and how they acquire it because in my opinion there are far too many people unaware of energy transference and simply take without giving much back.