Wednesday, 2nd September 2015

A reblog of some old posts:

Sunday, 11 November 2012
I had an unexpected encounter with mind expansion again the other night when I smoked the tiniest bit of marijuana on my own. Amazingly I've never actually smoked it on my own before so never gave it a proper chance to do it's own personal work on me. All I ever remembered were the occasional laughing fits, the tiredness, the paranoia, and generally not feeling to good, but after the experiences with Heavenly Blue Morning Glory seeds a few months ago I am now well aware of just how spiritual and intense a drug experience can be on your own if you're setting yourself a specific goal.
So this time I was quite relaxed, I had a whole day off work and had just been gifted a little marijuana from a friend, I had nothing pressing or urgent that needed doing so I thought I'd just try it out and lie on my bed. At first it was just the general sleepiness, I started to doze off, then suddenly I was smacked in the head with this overwhelming feeling of people calling to me and pulling my soul up from my body. I thought I'd try a little experimenting with astral projection or combining dreamstate with consciousness. It all gets a bit blurry as (just like back in July with the HBMG seeds) I was being transported through space and communicating with the universe/god/me. All reality was once again stripped away, instead of seeing walls in my room I was taken back to July's image of being Ken Kesey in a mental ward, instead of seeing a hook on shelf I was taken back to the door in Berlin. I called out names, I revisted faces, I saw (better to say 'felt') the connections between planets and people once more. How planets feel the same as we do about love, how they spend so long waiting for that moment when they get to see their true love again (the orbiting on axis), how 'as above, so below' is true that on every level of creation the same rules play themselves out, that everything we see around us right now is a direct link to everything larger and smaller than us, that the same relationships play their parts no matter where we are in the universe.
I died I again like I did in July and felt millions of years pass, I was being asked to go back but I really didn't want to. Why choose once more to forget all the knowledge that we have stored within us? The truth that we know somewhere deep down that has been forgotten by choice. We chose to forget all we knew in an attempt to be able to recognise the beauty and magic that we have stored within us and which is all powerful and limitless. But the game has gone on too long, we have not only forgotten but can now not even believe that we could be capable of such power. Yet we are.
So after these millions of years passed and I lived many different lives all once again going through the motions of unawareness I was suddenly brought to the choice again to recreate my universe. I would wake up in the same room I died in, I would most likely go to work the next day, I would have to have conversations that would no longer make sense. Each day we must get up and go to work. Each day we recreate our world and each moment we have a choice between fear and love.
I actually made a promise that I wouldn't be able to tell anyone about what I experienced but I disagree now as it was based upon the fear of being regarded as losing my mind. I don't think I am losing my mind, I simply feel like I'm beginning to remember where I put it down.
Nothing is clear yet and this is only the beginning of the path which could end tomorrow. Maybe this is as far as I will go, but maybe not. I feel more hope and love than I have done for a good many years, and I am aiming to keep hold of it. In fact I will fight for it. Everyone has to start working on their own highest goal whatever that may be. Your highest hope and most outlandish desire. I put it to you: what if all of this were a lie and the thing that you most want to believe in was true with unrestricted potential? If it were given to you right now would you be able to believe it? Because doubt will destroy that hope. Maybe we've all had it before and lost it due to that doubt.
I may still have doubts and restrictions placed on me by this world that we have all helped create, but I am going within, I am going on an adventure to find the purest best part of myself and attempting to bring it up to the surface. Who knows where we go from here...

C.G. Jung:
"The view of the city and mountains from my sickbed seemed to me like a painted curtain with black holes in it..Disappointed, I thought, "Now I must return to the 'box system' again". For it seemed to me that beyond the horizon of the cosmos a three-dimensional world had been artificially built up, in which each person sat by himself in a little box. And now I should have to convince myself all over again that this was important! Life and the whole world struck me as a prison..."
(read more here: http://www.near-death.com/experiences/notable/carl-jung.html)

Tuesday, 4th December 2012
After what feels like a very long time I feel like I may be gradually getting there. The inspiration is still finger tips away but I can see her. She stands there over me waiting for me to awake and recognize my wife and little daughter. The more I let myself go with what feels true inside the closer I seem to get. Now, things might get strange and I have to give myself a bit of leeway on the standard judgement of sanity but I say things seem so much more magical and true than they ever have before. Miracles are possible and true feats of amazement are possible. Just let me show you....

Wednesday, 5th December 2012
Part 1.
Sometimes a few choice words can really make you remember and take you back to a place you forget time and time again. You glimpse the truth for but a moment and it's so beautiful, simple and altogether the saddest thing you could ever imagine. There is an answer to the riddle set before you were ever born but to hold onto it and fully understand it is most likely the hardest thing for any one person to do, for once you achieve that goal then your life will be complete and living will no longer be necessary. And how I long to finish the game, to cease the repetitive cycles of life and death and beauty and pain. I hope to never return to this place, I want to be shown something new and something that my imagination cannot create. I want to share my life with her once again and for her to teach me all those things I failed to learn on my own.

Tuesday 15 January 2013
Now if what they call the big bang did happen within one instant and everything suddenly came into being all at once then we can be lead to believe that time is indeed just an illusion. The whole universe is a being that is growing as it get older and becoming more aware of itself as it goes through that process, but the process happened so quickly that all awareness is actually a past event. We are the universe looking at its history and trying to figure out what happened. The idea that God has a plan is ridiculous, God has no idea that it even exists. God is a natural event that is simply trying to understand itself just as we as humans are also trying to understand ourselves. And we do this by looking back at our past, everything we've been through, everything that ever happened and how we try to predict our futures usually to no avail. What we see as the universe is a moment after the big bang looking at itself to try to understand what has already happened. We are already dead, God has already understood itself but we are currently at the stage where it was still looking for answers. Our intuition and wisdom is simply a dragging effect from the past that spreads out ahead of us. We are still too slow to understand but it is all there and has already been done.

Friday, 11th January 2013
If we are actually living behind the veil of memory then the more we view everything as a past event the better we can shape our existence. We will not be wishing for something specific to happen but will be remembering and thankful that it has happened and did already happen.
If it is a veil that holds back the knowledge of past memory then the assumption should be made that its possible to pass through different levels of it. Serendipity; coincidence; positive thought leading to positive outcome; psychic powers; understanding of people and situations both intuitively and fully consciously; expansion of power and love; spreading wisdom and knowledge. If all is past then the fact is we have already chosen and done what we decided to do in this life, however, the amazing thing is that if we can see it as already finished then we possibly could also have done something so magnificent and wonderful which we have still yet to enjoy in this state of consciousness. If we feel like we led an interesting and fulfilled life then we probably most likely did and so the best is still yet to come.

Friday, 8th February 2013
Had 2 amazing dreams last night. The first where I was in a room with 2 people who were ganging up on me, one male and one female, being mean and insulting. So as revenge I started to think of ailments for them which they then commented on. I decided to speak through the female and prove to them that they were my creations. She was quite confused about what was going on but the male realised quite quickly what I was doing. They were then sad that they didn't exist and that this world wasn't real, but the love between us was so strong, we all hugged on a couch and I promised them I'd send others to them to keep them company. Then I disappeared and woke up.

Once awake I had another experience of ego death, very much like the 2 times of last year. I placed my right hand on my face just like I had done the previous 2 times. Suddenly I was aware that I had died again and that I hadn't done anything with my life. I can't quite explain the emotions that run through me when I experience these things, but each time there has been a sequence of emotions that run one after the other in a specific order. It always ends up the same which is one of complete loneliness but with the realisation that you must get up every day and get to work. Life is work. Creation is work.

The 2nd dream I was somewhere (it felt like Los Angeles) where gangs with guns were shooting, I tried to hide behind a fence though I wasn't scared. One guy shot right at where I was so I felt like he could see me even though I thought I was hidden. As the bullets went through the fence where I was it became obvious that the bullets weren't hitting me or having an effect. Eventually I decided to float above the fence which threw them off as they hadn't seen a levitating being before. Floating in an upright position felt awkward so I decided to sit in the lotus position. I spoke to them briefly (by this point they had stopped shooting), and decided to explore this world.
I floated over a highway and then layers and layers below started to exist. Much like a mirror facing a mirror but with each layer forming in sequence. Heading below made me feel a little uncomfortable so I decided to head upward instead. I told myself I wanted to conquer this world and transported myself up. Light began to become brighter and brighter until it was almost blinding, I have no idea at what speed I was travelling but I was passing through each layer. For no particular reason I decided to stop and it was dark with an unlit stairway. Someone sat at a booth much like a ticket stall, I headed up the stairs and went through the door, very excited to be at a new place. I bumped into a demonic looking fellow and pleaded with him to let me visit. He seemed quite surprised at my request and his response was "This is the Gents". Suddenly I realised it was just a toilet, which made me laugh but also excited me. I was here! I was now outside of this other me's being and could see that I was red with horns, much like the traditional looking devil, but I was so happy to have found another dimension. (I think they 'look' of the devil has had a pretty bad rep).
I then woke up.

Dreams like these always make me feel pretty good, I can explore the universe without ever leaving my room if I so choose, actions in the physical world are important but I'm also trying to find a way to control my own physical existence through thought alone.

Sunday, 19th May 2013
I saw her again. This time she was the sea and I was the sun. I burnt with ferocity knowing I would never see her again. Each time I meet her and each time I die without ever being able to see her again. That is why I came here. I never phone, I never pick up the call, but this time I am closer than before, this time I have placed myself in possibility. I don't want it to rain, I want it to be warm. I broke the rules this time, I travelled back and once again became me. Each time is a new life, each time slightly different. I still don't make the call but I am closer than ever. I pick up. I had my teeth torn out, I had my fingers cut off, I became a baby again. I felt the material of the universe melt on my feet. With each time I remember her a little more. My bed was the sky, the covers the ocean. The jilted brother was music. He was angry and insisted he would come along but I told him not this time. This time it would be just her. She calls. I pick up.