Monday, 25th March 2013
 

Funny how memories can creep back to you and sadness can fit right in.
I've recently been travelling through all of my time: childhood family memories, old loves and lovers, passed musical exploits. I once wrote a lyric in my late teens 'Memories were always meant to fade' and I knew how true that was, but unfortunately some memories never fade. These are the most intense ones, the ones of pure happiness and complete sadness. These memories are always easily at hand and you have to choose if you will let them in or not as they are usually very interconnected.
Right now I am fine, I feel I am almost too fine, as if I can accept most of what is thrown my way. I remain a thousand year old child waiting for it's mother to tell him how he should lead his life. I sit and I wait. I allow things to happen and rarely ever now curse his fortune, as fortune really is made mainly by ourselves. But how can a person who never learnt how to act act correctly?
I reassure myself with the fact that no one knows, that we all live either in complete ignorance or in complete confusion. That certain people choose to act regardless of these positions and that some choose to not act for the same reasons.
I am a person. I think and feel almost constantly and if I ever feel myself getting drawn into a situation that stops me from being conscious then I immediately stop myself and hide away and remain alone until I can keep up with time.
All faces of my history and future haunt me. I am never in the present moment but only in the what have beens and the what could be's. Never does my present match these 2 images and so I am constantly in a dream state. I live between 2 worlds, one which other people consider reality and one which I consider just as real as the other. Nothing is really real and nobody can ever join you on your own quest for reality as it is a journey that will always be one made alone.
Everybody is alone and will always be alone. The only comfort I take is that I will live this life knowing this instead of fooling myself that it could possibly be any other way.