Tuesday, 31 August 2021

Tuesday, 31st August 2021

I'm sitting alone in a friends flat down in Easbourne. I have the whole place to myself for the next 3 days. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I got here at about 7:30pm, went shopping, bought some food and wine. Watched an episode of 'Tales from the Loop'. Smoked a couple of cigarettes outside. Tried filming a live version of one of my songs which didn't work out for various reasons.

Now I'm listening to an old acquaintance's song https://megadud.bandcamp.com/track/sad-dog-waiting-for-pizza and thinking. Wrote the last piece and have now started this one.

I guess this one is more for a snapshot of time than anything else. But who knows? Anything can go anywhere if we let it.

So let's let it.

--

How heartbroken are you? I myself am and have always been very heartbroken.

Do you think there's a way out of the heartbreak you feel?
I still hope there is but have very little faith now. It would almost have to be an otherworldly experience. Or the almost nigh impossible hope that someone from the past would actually change their opinions.
But I find that no-one ever seems to do that. I wonder why. I wonder if I also don't?

So far it my personal experience is that your existence is very very personal, as in no-one else seems to really understand or even have the desire to understand it.
This isn't a 'poor me' stance, merely one that I have experienced, and I can't tell if that's because we are all ultimately very self-obsessed with our own story and don't give time to others, or if we just haven't found a way to connect them.

I don't hate anyone I've ever known. I have felt extreme disappointment and had my heart broken by many, but I always wish them happiness after our chapter is finished.
I tend to hold on too much to my past. And only recently am I trying a new way, a way to leave the past behind.
This isn't based on anything other than the simple question 'How does this person make me feel?'
If overall I feel bad within myself then I am now trying to let the past go. Often it seems that they have already done so but I am simply lagging behind.
No maliciousness, simply trying to find a more positive path.
I still hold very strong feelings for my friends when I was 12/13/14 but they have long since left me behind, so it seems silly to still carry those feelings of grief after 25 years.
And taking that thought forward it seems silly to carry grief for people who don't seem to share your feelings, whether that was 10 / 5 or 2 years ago.
 

The more past you carry on your shoulders the harder it is to move forward.
I constantly have about 15 years on my back. So forgive me if I look or act tired.



Tuesday, 31st August 2021

I'm not sure when my generation were sold the 'everything will be fine' lie or who society created it but I find it very confusing and disappointing.

Growing up in the 90's I had a very unrealistic view of the future. My parents had worked their way up to self-employment and a relatively succesful car mechanic business.

Was it my parents naivete and ignorance of how the world worked, or was it just different back then? In the 80's the idea that you could one day own a house and have a family wasn't an impossible dream. I wonder if their experience in doing so was somehow red herring, that actually they didn't realise that they had been in an affluent time, and somewhat lucky in their success. That actually when it all fell apart and their children would attempt to do the same that it was basically an impossible task.

Generation x got the depression of the realization that it was all over, but still they had the opportunity to succeed at that, as the boom of the 80s didn’t crash till the late 90s

The millennials had to deal with the depressive/hopeless 90s and the realization that they would struggle through any kind of career with any meaning as well as having the collapse of the industry’s they were brought up on

The generation after had grown up on negativity and pessimism and so actually that worked in their favour as they decided to find a new way and that new way was via the Internet. The only structure left to create and profit from and that negativity didn’t work anymore so they became overly positive in their outward persona.

And I would guess that a positive outlook improves your chances at success, as most people do want to feel positive and they see that as a good trait to have

Now I am writing this drunk, I have no experience in studying history or sociology in any educacational form, and so I am most probably wrong on many things. 

But again we would have to say that 50 years ago people could share opinions and maybe educational background wasn't seen as such a necessity, maybe it would just be spoken about in a pub or cafe, and then their friends would share their opinions.

But we don't live in that world now. If I were to share any idea or opinion online it would be torn apart in seconds by someone better educated or clearer with their words, or simply someone having a more popular opinion. And this is where we suffer. I feel like we are entering a world where you cannot actually express yourself without ridicule or someone demeaning you. And there is usually no reason for that to happen as the person is just as ignorant as you in some other way. 

I was reading a book earlier from the early 1900's, just a person sharing their thoughts and views of the world, and I was reminded how rare that is nowadays. We so often put other peoples views ahead of our own and become afraid to share our own as we maybe haven't got them all quite figured out just yet. But that is the idea behind collaboration and working together and not tearing each other down which is where I find myself too often today.

It kindof made me want to become a writer someday

Tuesday, 15 June 2021

Tuesday, 15th June 2021

A thought I had a few months ago but only just now putting up

Much like the magnetic fields that surround the earth are from the molten iron in the earths core spinning around, the heart pumps iron rich blood around our body creating our own magnetic field around ourself.
Taking your shoes off and being connected to the ground will actually ground you, the electric that runs through the earth won't be disconnected by the rubber soles on your feet. It is important to take off your shoes once in a while and be connected to the earth. If you go for a walk you may feel the breeze but usually you are not actually touching anything, so that sense is usually not being used.

In regards to the magnetic fields around our body it could also be the case that our soul/spirit is being held in by these fields, and that once the heart stops, the blood stops circulating, the iron is no longer molten, and our fields disappear, letting our spirits escape from our body to travel to wherever they go next.

Friday, 28 May 2021

Friday, 28th May 2021

So we all walk into the night, with spite, despite what we know is wrong
It's frightening to know what's right but it bites us to know that we belong
And we might be strong, but cannot fight
Quite yet, but it's a long road and there is still light
White when darkness is long

Thursday, 20 May 2021

Thursday, 20th May 2021

An old blog post that I'm not sure I posted publicly - The Bob Lazar documentary is on Netflix

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Sunday, 29th September 2019

Had these thoughts on a train down to the Isle of Wight

Over the past few years there has been a lot said about simulation theory, that we could possibly be inside a simulated reality resulting in many parallel universes or realities within a computerised artificial reality. I for one am not against this theory, I see many merits in it, and with technology going the way it is I see no reason to think that we couldn't one day simulate realities with semi-conscious beings ie. humans/AI running within programs within a digital universe. However, I haven't as yet come across a serious discussion upon time travel theory. It seems to have been forgotten or misplaced over the past few decades.

Come on a thought experiment with me....

There's lots of stories of aliens visiting the earth in ancient times and influencing the human race, the bible speaks of gods and angels coming from the sky and mating with the women creating godlike beings, and also of artificial insemination (virgin births) and all number of greek half breeds amongst man and animal. There are places like the Bermuda Triangle that have strange magnetic properties and whole ships/planes/people have disappeared from there. There are strange coincidences throughout history where great historical figures have mentioned 'God' or similar being on their side in battles and at distinct moments of time.

Here is my thought, and remember this is just my imagination being let loose to think and imagine, and not necessarily a reflection of my mental health.

Story begins:
Humanity lives, it eventually creates technology, it creates computers and AI, it creates element 115 an element that's been 'found' within 'extra-terrestrial' ships within the past 30 years (search Bob Lazar) that can create time and gravitational distortions.
At some point on this timeline this humanity creates time travel ie. can link in with/create wormholes upon the earth which gives them the possibility of travelling at any point within the earths existence.
If you research the strange anomalies around the bermuda triangle or the devils triangle in Asia strange magnetic and time dilation happen along with missing crew/ships/planes happen.

Part 2.
There are lots of myths around Atlantis, the egyptian pyramids (being older than what it told us), the flood of Noah which reaches around the globe in many myths of all civilisations in different forms.
Added to this are the greek and hindu myths, and jewish/christian myths that there were wars in the heavens. Godlike beings came down and lived amongst the people teaching them of certain techniques to further their cultures.
The gods usually have certain weapons of force but also technologies we don't yet have, and many mysteries of how ancient civilisations built such huge stone structures are still unknown.

But what if it is all one story?

What if future humans are creating our timeline? What if simulation theory is just based upon time travel and not artificial intelligence?

By using the technology of time travel there could have been a few factions fighting wars over the history of humanity which takes into account the wars in the heavens, the technology used to destroy city walls, the fire rained down. But once a winning side was decided then the interference would be more minimal to not affect the timeline too substantially.
If we call the 'Gods' the earlier time travellers, then we would call the 'Aliens' the older time travellers, the race of humans that have become smaller and more evolved from our present physical form.
Alien abduction would be considered as taking samples from one species and integrating them with another from a previous/or possibly latter time, used with AI as a super computer to distinguish the least affects on humanity with the biggest possible gain. The timeline would be protected and coerced into the most satisfying outcome for the future humans.

The way we see animals now would not be so different to future humans seeing us, as primitive and a commodity to be used and experimented with. To maintain the historical timeline and further develop us for their gain.

On top of this historical narrative we also have to look at the implications of our role in it. Time travel and construction fit in better with history than a Godlike entity, the structures within cultures seem to be manufactured but not necessarily with the best outlook for all. There seems to have been a fight for power throughout all of history, to dominate the many, to keep us caged.

The idea of simulation theory is that we are all being simulated within a giant computer, that each of us is just a simulation of a process of thought from an AI computer designed to run through programs, but what if we really all do exist albeit in varying timelines created by future beings. There would still be countless beings of me, but they all have the same soul.

If anything happens to me...

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Ezekiel in Babylon

1 In the thirtieth year, in the fourth month, on the fifth day of the month, as I was among the exiles by the Chebar canal, the heavens were opened, and I saw visions of God.[a] 2 On the fifth day of the month (it was the fifth year of the exile of King Jehoiachin), 3 the word of the Lord came to Ezekiel the priest, the son of Buzi, in the land of the Chaldeans by the Chebar canal, and the hand of the Lord was upon him there.
The Glory of the Lord

4 As I looked, behold, a stormy wind came out of the north, and a great cloud, with brightness around it, and fire flashing forth continually, and in the midst of the fire, as it were gleaming metal.[b] 5 And from the midst of it came the likeness of four living creatures. And this was their appearance: they had a human likeness, 6 but each had four faces, and each of them had four wings. 7 Their legs were straight, and the soles of their feet were like the sole of a calf's foot. And they sparkled like burnished bronze. 8 Under their wings on their four sides they had human hands. And the four had their faces and their wings thus: 9 their wings touched one another. Each one of them went straight forward, without turning as they went. 10 As for the likeness of their faces, each had a human face. The four had the face of a lion on the right side, the four had the face of an ox on the left side, and the four had the face of an eagle. 11 Such were their faces. And their wings were spread out above. Each creature had two wings, each of which touched the wing of another, while two covered their bodies. 12 And each went straight forward. Wherever the spirit[c] would go, they went, without turning as they went. 13 As for the likeness of the living creatures, their appearance was like burning coals of fire, like the appearance of torches moving to and fro among the living creatures. And the fire was bright, and out of the fire went forth lightning. 14 And the living creatures darted to and fro, like the appearance of a flash of lightning.

15 Now as I looked at the living creatures, I saw a wheel on the earth beside the living creatures, one for each of the four of them.[d] 16 As for the appearance of the wheels and their construction: their appearance was like the gleaming of beryl. And the four had the same likeness, their appearance and construction being as it were a wheel within a wheel. 17 When they went, they went in any of their four directions[e] without turning as they went. 18 And their rims were tall and awesome, and the rims of all four were full of eyes all around. 19 And when the living creatures went, the wheels went beside them; and when the living creatures rose from the earth, the wheels rose. 20 Wherever the spirit wanted to go, they went, and the wheels rose along with them, for the spirit of the living creatures[f] was in the wheels. 21 When those went, these went; and when those stood, these stood; and when those rose from the earth, the wheels rose along with them, for the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels.

22 Over the heads of the living creatures there was the likeness of an expanse, shining like awe-inspiring crystal, spread out above their heads. 23 And under the expanse their wings were stretched out straight, one toward another. And each creature had two wings covering its body. 24 And when they went, I heard the sound of their wings like the sound of many waters, like the sound of the Almighty, a sound of tumult like the sound of an army. When they stood still, they let down their wings. 25 And there came a voice from above the expanse over their heads. When they stood still, they let down their wings.

26 And above the expanse over their heads there was the likeness of a throne, in appearance like sapphire;[g] and seated above the likeness of a throne was a likeness with a human appearance. 27 And upward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were gleaming metal, like the appearance of fire enclosed all around. And downward from what had the appearance of his waist I saw as it were the appearance of fire, and there was brightness around him.[h] 28 Like the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain, so was the appearance of the brightness all around.

Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. And when I saw it, I fell on my face, and I heard the voice of one speaking.